They’ve got balls. Sticking it to Robert Wood Johnson. A fight to the death between the big swinging dicks of New York. Making Gargano their bitch. Pick your favorite homoerotic symbolism and lube yourself up with it (K-Y would be an appropriate aid), ‘cause we finally have ourselves a fight. We all know the ladies in skimpy outfits are simply distraction and sublimation: the main event will be a bunch of unattractive, ultra-rich New Yorkers getting good and sweaty in the quest to control a hole in the ground, the end result of which will be one massive screw job to Joe Q. Public. But in the latest chapter of the real estate soap opera (As the West Side Turns? Mike’s Hope? Subsidies of our Lives?) on the West Side, it looks like we might at least get the benefit of a reach-around.
Late last week, the Dolans, in the form of their minor media fiefdom, Cablevision, offered six times what Robert Wood Johnson is willing to pony up (and a third of what the MTA is asking) for the rights to build over the Hudson Yards site (Johnson apparently wants to build a stadium or something). It’s rumored (in my head at least) that the offer sheet had a little sketch of a Rockette planting her heel in Bloomie’s bloomies. The city was blindsided by this development, perhaps because the Dolans offered to focus on housing, which, even as it is a craven ploy to exploit the superheated Manhattan real estate market, still would provide the nominal benefit of increasing housing stock, which means that somewhere down the line, even though at considerable personal cost, a human being would benefit from the actions of a Dolan, which is probably the most disturbing and unreal aspect of the absurd theater that has developed since the MTA finally showed a little spine when presenting their internal assessment.
The mayor sputtered a response, but given the thematic organization of this post, the best imagery we can conjure would be Bloomberg taking a bat to some unfortunate, random Dolan’s car, screaming, “This is what you get when you fuck a stranger in the ass!”
Even the most cynical critic of the Dolans’ ineptitude in managing their various monopolies has to admire the timing of this move. It will take several weeks to sort out how binding their offer is; it will forestall the arbitration the city was about to push for; and it will continue to cast doubt on the city’s Olympic bid (already being spoken of in some quarters as hopeless, particularly since the recent speculation that London was more or less being written off). With the decision only four months off, the Dolans need only keep up their charade for another two months, and after that can count on any number of public figures who are in a position to trade their influence for pet projects to make noises about waiting another month or two — after all, why act in haste, when a specific answer is only a few weeks hence? They can then let due diligence take its course: when the city realizes the Dolans haven’t done a thing in this city without a handout, the future of this proposal will look understandably dim. Or they can simply withdraw the offer, chortling, and go back to basking in their massive tax deferral subsidy.
But, in the meantime, we can look forward to a good twelve rounds of old-school, hard-knocks New York one-upmanship. If it lasts long enough, people might even be fooled into thinking the ensconced power brokers in this town actually pay for the privilege, and that a real estate development will move forward with an actual risk component. Hopefully the MTA will be able to cash out before they all come to their senses, and reach into our pockets for the funding.
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Time to see if R.W. Johnson has the natural benefit his prodigious name implies (well, it worked for Don and LBJ).
They’ve got balls. Sticking it to Robert Wood Johnson. A fight to the death between the big swinging dicks of New York. Making Gargano their bitch. Pick your favorite homoerotic symbolism and lube yourself up with it (K-Y would be an appropriate aid), ‘cause we finally have ourselves a fight. We all know the ladies in skimpy outfits are simply distraction and sublimation: the main event will be a bunch of unattractive, ultra-rich New Yorkers getting good and sweaty in the quest to control a hole in the ground, the end result of which will be one massive screw job to Joe Q. Public. But in the latest chapter of the real estate soap opera (As the West Side Turns? Mike’s Hope? Subsidies of our Lives?) on the West Side, it looks like we might at least get the benefit of a reach-around.
Late last week, the Dolans, in the form of their minor media fiefdom, Cablevision, offered six times what Robert Wood Johnson is willing to pony up (and a third of what the MTA is asking) for the rights to build over the Hudson Yards site (Johnson apparently wants to build a stadium or something). It’s rumored (in my head at least) that the offer sheet had a little sketch of a Rockette planting her heel in Bloomie’s bloomies. The city was blindsided by this development, perhaps because the Dolans offered to focus on housing, which, even as it is a craven ploy to exploit the superheated Manhattan real estate market, still would provide the nominal benefit of increasing housing stock, which means that somewhere down the line, even though at considerable personal cost, a human being would benefit from the actions of a Dolan, which is probably the most disturbing and unreal aspect of the absurd theater that has developed since the MTA finally showed a little spine when presenting their internal assessment.
The mayor sputtered a response, but given the thematic organization of this post, the best imagery we can conjure would be Bloomberg taking a bat to some unfortunate, random Dolan’s car, screaming, “This is what you get when you fuck a stranger in the ass!”
Even the most cynical critic of the Dolans’ ineptitude in managing their various monopolies has to admire the timing of this move. It will take several weeks to sort out how binding their offer is; it will forestall the arbitration the city was about to push for; and it will continue to cast doubt on the city’s Olympic bid (already being spoken of in some quarters as hopeless, particularly since the recent speculation that London was more or less being written off). With the decision only four months off, the Dolans need only keep up their charade for another two months, and after that can count on any number of public figures who are in a position to trade their influence for pet projects to make noises about waiting another month or two — after all, why act in haste, when a specific answer is only a few weeks hence? They can then let due diligence take its course: when the city realizes the Dolans haven’t done a thing in this city without a handout, the future of this proposal will look understandably dim. Or they can simply withdraw the offer, chortling, and go back to basking in their massive tax deferral subsidy.
But, in the meantime, we can look forward to a good twelve rounds of old-school, hard-knocks New York one-upmanship. If it lasts long enough, people might even be fooled into thinking the ensconced power brokers in this town actually pay for the privilege, and that a real estate development will move forward with an actual risk component. Hopefully the MTA will be able to cash out before they all come to their senses, and reach into our pockets for the funding.